I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
