xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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