I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
