we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
