I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we're making bets on your personal life
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
