She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
