Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
