it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
