Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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