all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
