can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't notice because vodka
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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