the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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