before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
