maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
