i need an iv and a liver transplant
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the condom got lost in my hair
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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