dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
