idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
