U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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