A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize