I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
