I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
