Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
