i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ttyl tear gas
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
