What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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