I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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