Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
