ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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