Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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