Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I supernannyed him into submission
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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