i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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