I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
