Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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