Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
