I'm going to jail i love you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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