They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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