woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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