He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
