the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
