I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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