mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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