Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
