have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
