Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
