we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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