Where did you get a picture of my penis
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
