That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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