dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
