I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
