i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize