I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
