I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize