Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
