It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
