He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
