everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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