my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
