so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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