Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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