I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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