if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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