if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
