1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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