the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
