i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Small penises have feelings too.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
