Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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