bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
