I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
