ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
