you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
