I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
