EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
