He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize