He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize