I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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