Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
