At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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