you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
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